Additionally: is it higher to ship a observe of congratulations to somebody who deserves it or a observe of condolence to somebody who wants it?
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Related references and analysis
Query 1: We’d like crucial suggestions to enhance ourselves, so why is it arduous to listen to?
Stephen refers to a latest dialog with David Byrne, the singer of the critically acclaimed rock band Speaking Heads and the person behind No Silly Questions' theme tune, "And She Was". Stephen spoke with Byrne for Freakonomics Radio Ep. 417, "Causes to Be Cheerful" – within the episode, Byrne shares his expertise with unfavorable critiques and discusses his new undertaking reasonstobecheerful.world.
Angela admires the best way her pal, organizational psychologist Adam Grant, handles criticism. She says that Grant typically asks his colleagues to critically overview his public speeches, after which assesses himself how properly he has obtained the feedback. You possibly can try two of those lectures on its Ted Speak web page: "The shocking habits of unique thinkers" and "Are you a donor or a taker?"
Stephen tells a narrative a few inventive writing seminar he attended throughout his graduate research. It was a part of a grasp's program in fantastic arts in writing at Columbia College – Stephen graduated in 1990 after which taught on the College. You possibly can learn extra particulars about her expertise in Columbia Journal.
Stephen and Angela focus on a examine often known as "sensible suggestions paper", which discovered that lecturers have been capable of make suggestions 40% simpler by previous it with 19 phrases. The 2014 examine was revealed within the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Basic and is titled "Breaking the cycle of mistrust: sensible interventions to supply crucial suggestions via the racial divide."
Stephen and Angela briefly focus on the thought of "radical candor". Head coach Kim Scott is the creator of New York Instances bestseller Radical Candor, and Ray Dalio of Bridgewater Associates practices radical transparency.
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Query 2: What’s the most vital act – celebrating or supporting a pal's accomplishment in case of loss?
Angela turns to the work of social psychologist Shelly Gable to show Stephen how you can finest help the accomplishments of a cherished one. In a 2006 article, "Will you be there for me when issues are going properly?" Supportive Responses to Disclosures of Optimistic Occasions, "Gable and his co-author focus on the significance of energetic and constructive responses.
For sources on one of the best ways to help somebody throughout troublesome occasions, Angela recommends wanting into help listening – a relationship-building instrument that Stephen initially scoffs at, however rapidly learns to undertake .
Earlier than Angela absolutely explains the idea of supportive listening, Stephen jokes that it seems like a "Saturday evening model of mourning dwell". For an actual model of the grief Saturday evening dwell, try this 1976 sketch the place Chevy Chase performs a priest who can't cease hiccups throughout a funeral.
Stephen and Angela briefly focus on the thought of "mirroring" – a unconscious reflection of the habits of one other particular person. To be taught extra concerning the science behind mirroring, we suggest that you simply seek the advice of this 2016 article from the Royal Society: "Mirroring and Past: Coupled Dynamics as a Generalized Framework for Modeling Social Interactions".
Key phrases: Adam Grant, Angela Duckworth, critic, grief, radical frankness, radical transparency, Rebecca Lee Douglas, Stephen Dubner